House, M.D.

What's the differential diagnosis?

8 Seasons, 177 episodes, around 127 hours - that’s five and a half full days. After this much House, I’m basically a doctor myself - at least in terms of knowing that if something’s wrong it’s either an infection, a virus, a fungus, or cancer. It’s always worth considering paraneoplastic syndrome, Lupus, Sarcoma and Wegener’s, although it’s super unlikely it will end up being any of these. And everybody lies.

So what is it about this show that has compelled me to spend a good portion of the last 3 months in front of the TV (apart from my tendency toward hyperfixation and completionism)? It’s not a new show - it finished in 2012 and is in lots of ways quite dated. But a medical mystery drama with a crippled and enigmatic protagonist who’s also a genius? It had me at medical…but here are a few things that also contributed.

Hugh Laurie

Hugh Laurie to me was always the gangly prince from Blackadder and half of Fry and Laurie, a funny and talented Brit who looked pretty good in knickerbockers. In House, he’s a limping genius whose hobbies include collecting guitars, playing piano, reading about quantum physics, playing pranks and hiring hookers. At these things, I have no doubt, Hugh Laurie’s Art is imitating Life, because I know for a fact he’s a talented musician (and we do get to see him play piano, guitar, and sing in the show) and a Very Clever Person in Real Life, having been educated at Eton and Cambridge. I haven’t found anything supporting the hooker thing but apart from that, and their differing accents, (oh and maybe the Vicadon addiction?!) - I think we can basically assume they’re the same.

I don’t know why this is a capsule and not a Vicadin tablet but I guess that’s artistic license.

The rest of the casting

Throughout the series not only do we regularly get to see Jesse Spencer from Home and Away, Robert Sean Leonard from Dead poet’s society and Olivia Wilde from The OC and Don’t worry darling, but also cameos from Captain Raymond Holt from Brooklyn 99, Greg Grunberg and Amanda Foreman from Alias, LL Cool Jay, Lin Manuel Miranda (he gets to be House’s sidekick for quite a while!) and Leighton Meester from Gossip Girl, to name only a few favourites. Oh! also Billy Connoly as House’s biological father! That’s a good episode! The regular cast are super fantastic and the guests just as good.

The mystery of House’s psychology/neurodiversity

If House was made in the 2020s instead of the 00s, a lot more would have been made of his neurodiversity. As it is, he’s described variously as a sociopath, a narcissist and an obsessive addict; but my differential diagnosis would also consider ASD (his symptoms include difficulty feeling and showing empathy, obsessive behaviour, special interests, inflexibility); or, more likely, ADHD (addictive behaviour, hyperfixations, fidgeting/requiring constant proprioceptive inputs, fast brain, impulsiveness, ability to converse about patient diganoses and staff personal behaviour concurrently). House is super horrible but people put up with him not only because he’s a million times smarter than everyone else but also because it’s impossible not to learn something from him. That’s charisma for you (and Hugh Laurie’s sparkly eyes).

The medical mysteries and the comfort of structure

A mystery is always fun, even though almost all the 177 episodes have the same structure - introduction of a surprise medical incident and resulting DDX, some aspect of the House Team’s personal problems, and a message about How to Be a Human. Sometimes these are great, like when House realises he’s in love with his wife but still stuffs it up; but some are a bit dodgy like when House and Wilson “prove” that nobody’s really asexual. There’s often medical gore and aside from multiple surgeries there is at least one lumbar puncture per episode and usually someone sprays blood or some other bodily fluid. House has amusing habits like watching his favourite medical soap on TV in a coma patient’s room, or eating someone else’s lunch out of the fridge while hiding in the morgue. In case you were worried, the House Team provide the abs, and there’s usually one female patient that supplies the boobs (and the source of the objectification by House).

The tragedy of the romance

There are three women and one man who House Loves in his life and all of it is Tragic on the level of Romeo and Juliet, in my opinion. First is his girlfriend Stacy who loves him but makes the mistake of deciding to have a chunk of his leg muscle cut out while he’s in a coma and she has medical power of attourney. (I just re-read that sentence and it sounds so complicated and crazy - although at the time I was completely involved and didn’t think it was at all convoluted!) Anyway, this is his disability origin story - he’d refused an amputation and Stacy thought this was safer than the muscle death possibly ending in Total Body Death. She had to make a totally impossible decision and House loved her, but also hated her for it. The show takes place after these events but we get to revisit them at length when Stacy comes back to town with her mysteriously ill new husband.

Then there’s Cuddy. Cuddy wears low cut blouses and House spends a good deal of the first few seasons telling her how big her arse is - this is secret code for telling her he loves her. Cuddy also loves House but she’s friends with Stacy. Cuddy rides out many of House’s Bad Choices in Women, including an unrequited crush that Dr Cameron has on him which he’s ambivalent about. Cuddy’s the only one that can manage House and they do finally get their great romance, but unfortunately Lisa Eddlestein had to leave (possibly due to a pay cut? it’s definitely abrupt) which cuts it way too short, and her departure leaves a great hole (literally, when House does something that lands him in jail, omg). Cuddy was a great character and the chemistry between them was so good, her departure was almost a deal breaker for me.

Then, Domenika. Not only is she young, sexy, fun loving, and a great sidekick in House’s schemes, but she can also fix his blender. Really, he couldn’t ask for a better wife. Naturally he stuffs this one up as well.

Finally, Wilson, his first and Greatest Love. Wilson puts up with everything and forgives House every time, even though House treats his best friend like dirt for the most part. Wilson is there for every low moment, houses him (no pun intended), pays for all his lunches and puts up with his rudeness and general entitlement. In return, House loves Wilson so much that it’s clear to everyone that without Wilson, House will not be able to function, mostly emotionally but also in a day to day fashion as well. The show does give these two a great Thelma and Louise ending so that was some consolation.

The theme song

If you’re gen X or close to it, you’ll recognise Massive Attack’s Teardrop which to me is the perfect 90s/2000s anthem: melancholy, difficult to parse, compelling and evocative of this period in time. It’s also a great representation of House’s character. It’s about Love, but also sadness and resolve. Nailed it.

The overall story arc

Over 8 seasons, we get to know Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital pretty well, from Morgue to Cafeteria to the Surgical Suites - but we also spend a lot of time in a mental institution and in jail, with some sojourns to Cuddy’s house, Wilson’s house, a few road trips/relationship builders, and quite a few visits to strip clubs. The relationships between House and the Team and staff and patients wax and wane and feel authentic and engaging and real - if slightly looney at times - and apart from the insanity of the events precipitating the Cuddy departure, it’s all super compelling.

The triumph of completion

Honestly, although I feel bereft at this marathon being completed, I also feel really satisfied and triumphant. I really could have kept watching because I think the show and the cast still had a lot to offer - but at the same time, the 8 seasons feel like they’re a well balanced and fully realised story, and the last episode is satisfying without being overly obvious about tying up loose ends. Also had it gone on any longer, there’s a chance my family would have all had to visit the optometrist/have eye surgery, because their eyes did so much rolling over how much House I was watching.

Definitely worth a watch or rewatch - if you’ve got a spare 127 hours of course - and who doesn’t? Think of how much better your screen time stats on your phone would be if you just spent more time watching House on TV!